Tuesday, December 30, 2008
In the last 2-3 weeks or so, events have occurred as follows:
1) I saw a picture of myself that kinda (okay, really) freaked me out.
2) I teasingly asked Bebo if I could ride his bike, and he said, "No, Mommy, you're too fat."
3) I spent almost an entire week grazing on food that wasn't even that great.
4) When my 5-year-old nephew said he wished he had a bigger mouth so he could eat more food, I told him he'd have to have a bigger tummy to hold it all. "You have a big tummy" was his reply.
These events were somewhat unfortunate, but not entirely so. Yes, my feelings were a bit hurt at the innocent comments of children. Yes, I was embarrassed at a picture of myself. Yes, I felt guilty for eating on autopilot yet again. In spite of all that - maybe because of it - I have a renewed sense of motivation. Amazingly, I haven't even wanted to eat for the last couple of days. I just don't have an appetite. Foods that I could graze on all day just aren't that appealing. It might be because I'm sick, but I know it's time to try something new.
We're trying to save money this year. With a move and a new vehicle, we are going to be tight on funds for a while, so I am dropping my $17/month Weight Watchers subscription. I don't need it, anyway. I've decided that it's time for a new approach, one that the whole family can take.
You see, I am tired of cooking for three different people. And while Bebo is quite fit and slender right now, his genetics are programmed otherwise. Jeff & I are in the worst shape of our lives, and I want our family to be healthier than that. I want more for Bebo than that. I fear that the day is coming when he will be embarrassed by my weight, and that would indeed break my heart.
So instead of dieting, per se, we are simply going to make healthy choices. Like it or not, my uber-picky child is going to learn to try new foods. We are going to cut out red meat almost entirely, and eat fish or poultry maybe once a week. I'm really getting tired of meat, anyway. I think I'd rather just eat veggies and pasta.
The other task for this new year is to exercise as a family. While I intend to use the recumbent bike and dust off the Firm equipment, I want us all to enjoy playtime together.
In other words - I want my family to be healthy. At this point, it's not so much about losing weight (though believe me, it is still a major goal) as it is living a lifestyle that gives us a long future and is glorifying to God. Frankly, my obsession with food can't be a positive spiritual role model for anyone.
I'm off now to find vegetarian recipes, and maybe order some wild rice and other items that I struggle to find in this podunk little town. A lot is changing for our family this year, and for once, I finally have hope that maybe we can change this aspect of our lives, too.
Monday, December 15, 2008
I love to look at the world through a camera lens. What was once ordinary and unnoticed becomes art through a viewfinder. But this photographer hates to be photographed. I always say there's a reason I'm behind the camera instead of in front of it. Pictures of me are few and far between, so when I actually have one taken, it always comes as a bit of a shock.
I had one of those this weekend. Elle, if you read this, don't feel bad - it ain't your fault. I was trying to stand for that picture in such a way as not to look like the biggest person in the room, but there was no hiding the elephant in the purple shirt. It's always bad to see pictures of yourself - worse when you're the biggest person in the room by at least 75 pounds.
But I suppose I'm glad to have seen it. I needed that visual reminder of what I've let myself become. I am running out of time, and I have to get on it now.
Perhaps someday soon I'll be able to move past talking about it and actually do it.
Monday, November 10, 2008
You don't lose weight.
Nope. None lost. In fact, you gain a pound and a half.
Seriously, I am going to give it one more week, and then I quit forever. This is ridiculous. I did everything right! What is wrong with me?!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I LOVE McD's fries.
I ate one... and dumped the rest on the floor for my little dog to enjoy. Then I went into the kitchen and got an apple and a little natural PB to dip it in.I am SOOOO proud of myself! :)
So far, I've been pretty good this week. I am happy to report that I have exercised two days in a row, and tonight I plan to do a FIRM video. In case you can't tell, I am feeling a bit re-energized (or at least pretending to feel that way).
I would say "wish me luck," but somehow "wish me self-control" sounds better. :)
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Don't know what to say, don't know what to do. Don't know how to get out of this rut of maintaining. It sucks.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Ugh. I just can't get my heart into this. I have to, but my mouth hasn't got the message. In some ways, I've done better the last couple of weeks - I'm not eating as much - but I'm still not making great choices. I did cook some pretty rockin' stuff this weekend, but . . . heck, I don't know what my problem is.
I'm frustrated. The only good thing I can say is that I haven't actually gained any weight. Frankly, though, that isn't much encouragement.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
In five weeks, I have lost a net of 1.4 pounds. Good grief.
Oh, I know - I could make a million excuses. Some might even be justifiable. The cold, hard, ugly truth? I'm just not into it.
This week, I am committing to journal everything I eat.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Now I am paying the price. The scale went up two pounds... so in four weeks, my net change has been -1.8 pounds. That is nothing short of pathetic - not because I'm hung up over the amount lost, but because I haven't been trying, and I know good and well I can do better.
It's not time for a new strategy. It's time for me to follow the one I've already laid out. My foot isn't getting any better, and won't until some of this weight comes off. I'm less than a year from starting the nursing program (Lord willing, of course), and I can't do it like this. It has to change.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
That's 3.8 total. Maybe next week I'll have a kick-butt weigh-in.
Oh... and I just got Season 7 of Smallville on DVD. I have promised myself that the only way I could watch it is if I ride the bike at the same time. Allow me to say that Tom Welling is a great motivator - I rode through two episodes, for an hour's worth of exercise. I only quit because I had to study and get ready for church. :)
Friday, September 5, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
And the results?
Week one, down two pounds exactly. Okay, maybe not exactly, but the accuracy of my scale is somewhat in doubt - but at least it didn't go up.
Now I just have to survive Labor Day weekend. Shouldn't be too bad - I'm going to Mom's and she's great about making sure I have healthy options.
Monday, August 18, 2008
In other words, three weeks after starting, I'm still holding steady at the same weight. This is not fun. I am so congested that I have asthma-like symptoms, so exercise it out of the question. I am hoping that I can maybe get some slower exercise on the bike this evening. I have good food to eat - maybe tonight that salad will taste a little better than it did Saturday evening, eh?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
in about a million pieces all over the living room, that is! I wanted to assemble the bike last night, but Jeff had the only large-enough phillips-head screwdriver safely tucked away in the car. I guess he wanted the company while he delivered pizza. Anyway, I had to settle for waiting until tonight.
Since my foot was in considerable pain yesterday, I did absolutely nothing last night but sit on my butt. I guess doing a WATP video was a bad idea, and the doctor pressing his thumbs into the tender spot on my heel certainly didn't help. Tonight I'll have to clean the house, but I'm giving myself as much time as I can to rest my poor foot. I now have an anti-inflammatory, which should help, and I am going to try a different pair of heel inserts, too.
I also have a confession to make. I ate five - count 'em, five - chocolate-covered donuts yesterday. Total moment of weakness. Ugh. You wouldn't think something so lightweight could cause so much damage! The one thing I did do right yesterday was drink a heckuva lot of water - way past the recommended 8 cups.
Game plan for today: Stay OP. Clean house, assemble bike - and if I have energy after all that, actually use the dang thing for a while!
Monday, August 4, 2008
I've decided to go into a full-blown attempt at Core. It worked before, and maybe by sticking to it strictly, I'll do a little better.
It's going to be a busy week - the start of many. I have to start managing my time very carefully if I'm going to accomplish the daily tasks and exercise and eat right. I hope I can do it.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
I've been struggling with motivation. No surprise there. It seems that after that first go-round, when I did so remarkably well, my drive to keep going just completely fizzled. I was on the phone with Mom, discussing this very thing. Do I got back to Weight Watchers or try it online? Or should I try something different altogether?
One problem I've had lately is that my feet are constantly hurting. Based on research, and a tip from a friend, I'm reasonably sure I have a nifty case of plantar fasciitis going on. Unfortunately, being on my feet makes it hurt worse, so exercise feels like its bringing more pain than gain. I'd looked at exercise bikes, but hadn't found exactly what I wanted.
Anyway... back to Mom. She has a call come in from Dad and says she'll call me right back. A few minutes later, the phone rings, and she's laughing. Turns out that as we were talking about my Big Dilemma, Dad was on the internet ordering me a bike! LOL
Even better - he got me exactly the kind of bike I had wanted but couldn't find. Here's a picture:
I had tried a similar bike at Curves and loved how comfortable it was. The back support and seat are fantastic - you don't get a sore bum and your back doesn't ache. Plus it's a fairly quiet bike, so you can watch TV, read, or do whatever. It should roll in here (hee-hee - get it? roll in here?) in a couple of weeks, and I can get some quality cardio time without hurting my feet so badly.
Love you, Dad! :)
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
This week should be a little bit slower, so I am resolving to exercise at least three times. I only have Wednesday night tied up with church. Maybe I can squeeze some much-needed housework in while I'm at it.
I wasn't home this morning to weigh in (on my terribly inaccurate and inconsistent scale), so I will check in tomorrow with a number that I am praying is at least no more than last week's. We shall see, eh?
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I have managed to squeeze in one workout, plus a 90-minute house-cleaning frenzy. Tonight will be more cleaning (heavy stuff like mopping and vacuuming and that sort of thing), and I might get ambitious and do a workout video if I'm not too tired.
This weekend I'm heading to Mom's, which shouldn't be too bad. Mom & Dad are always so supportive of my weight loss attempts, and they go out of their way to make sure the menu is good for me.
So that's my update for the week. I've stepped on the scales a few times, but I'm not paying much attention to the numbers until Sunday. Ta-ta!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Must press on... must press on...
This week's goals are to drink my 64 oz of water each day and to exercise 4x, for at least 10 minutes each. Also, I created a journal on the computer to record what I eat and my exercise for the day. One thing I've learned my from Weight Watcher days is that journaling really does keep me more accountable. At the very least, it helps me understand the trends in my weight changes.
I just started in the middle of last week, but each Monday I want to list a few things I accomplished the previous week. I am proud that I pulled out a WATP video and FIRM video, even if they were short ones. I ate out a few times, but made healthy choices.
To quote one of Bebo's favorite little blue engines: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I had to quit WW because of transportation. Again. And since I was only partially motivated anyway, quitting meetings popped the balloon entirely on my drive.
But big changes are happening in my life. This fall I am taking prerequisites to the nursing program, and if all goes well, I'll be accepted and actually beginning my clinicals in just a little over a year. Here's the thing: I am so horribly out of shape and obese that I can't be on my feet for more than 30 minutes at a time. They hurt so much it feels like I'm walking on gravel.
Do you know what I want to do? I want to help deliver babies. I want to work in the NICU, with preemies and AIDS babies and crack babies. I want to eventually get a midwife certification and do missions work in Africa, teaching pregnant women and new mothers how to take care of themselves and their children.
And I can't do any of that unless this weight comes off. Besides being a horrible example, it's so inhibiting... I have to be able to survive clinicals, not to mention 12-hour shifts. It just ain't gonna happen in my current state. The weight has to come off. It has to happen. No more goofing off. No more excuses. No more late-night Krystal runs. No more pretending that what goes in my mouth won't land right on my thighs.
It's now or never. This is the end. My dreams can't go on hold any longer.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Anyhoo - official weigh-in last night: down 2 lbs. I breathed such a sigh of relief. It's discouraging to go a whole month without any change.
If all goes well (though nothing has, of late), I will exercise this evening. I'll keep ya posted.
Monday, April 21, 2008
But this afternoon I have a dentist appointment and a WW meeting - and something tells me I may be so worn out when I get home that exercise will be the farthest thing from my mind.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I'm tired and cranky. Maybe tomorrow will be better. At least I can say I didn't totally blow it today; I kept fairly well in the realms of the Core rules. . . excepting the piece of cornbread and half a biscuit I ate at Cracker Barrel tonight. I have the whole weekend ahead of me to restrain myself. Wish me luck.
Friday, April 11, 2008
(hear the little shoulder angel/devil dueling?)
I am not going to exercise tonight. However, I am going to bust my tail cleaning my house, which does count as exercise. Trust me - with the condition I let my house get into, I can burn some serious calories.
So I'm off now - to boldly clean when no man has cleaned before!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Since I haven't shared a recipe lately, thought I'd clue you in on a couple of high-yumminess-factor meals.
First (and oh-so-easy), bake a sweet potato. Spoon on a little bit of unsweetened coconut milk, add some curry powder and garam masala (it's a spice blend - find it with the rest of the spices at the grocery store), and mash it all together. De-stinkin'-licious. Easy lunch, too, especially if you buy those plastic-wrapped potatoes.
Second: egg salad. Since I'm on Core, I can have the whole egg, though it probably would be better to leave out half the yolks. Still, the yolk is my favorite part. Anyhoo - boil a dozen eggs. Add in fat-free Miracle Whip (or mayo if you're that kind of person), spicy mustard, curry powder, freshly ground black pepper, and sea salt. All ingredients to taste - I just dump it in until I get the texture I want. Delish. Really.
Think I'm going to grill tonight... shish-ka-bobs sound good, no?
Monday, April 7, 2008
That being said, I had a good food day. I resisted the urge for a bean burrito, and ate (mostly) Core foods. It meant a little improvising, since I haven't done a major shopping trip lately. I did make a fabulous chicken salad (I eat the stuff for breakfast, it's so good!), and I have boiled eggs cooling for an egg salad, too.
In other matters... have you ever had one of those Defining Moments? You know, that trigger that suddenly snaps you back to reality? I had one. A big one. I even hesitate to post this, but the truth is those of you who know me beyond the cyberworld already know what I look like.
Jeff had a "change project" due for school. He had to improve someone (who naturally wound up being me) by encouraging regular exercise. Ha! Because of rain and infrequent opportunity, we only walked 3 days. This meant we had to stage some photographs at the track, which is where that Defining Moment took place.
When I saw the pictures, I was horrified. Literally. I wanted to cry. I didn't know I looked like that. It's not exactly an angle I see often, you know? I just can't believe that's me - it doesn't feel like me! But I know the camera didn't lie. How did I let myself get to this point? My word, I'm a cow.
I think I'm going to enlarge this photo and hang it on the refrigerator. And the pantry. And my computer. And the rearview mirror. I do not want to be this person. Ever. No way. This is not who I am!!!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
So, in that spirit, I am returning to Core this week. Because I can't eat out on Core, I'm hoping it will keep me in check.
Then again, after facing the disaster that will be my weigh-in tomorrow, maybe not. I might have to go bury my sorrows in a hot fudge cake sundae.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I have tried some wonderful new foods lately. I'm quite taken with Asian- & island-inspired cuisine. I've got to work out a couple of kinks, but I'll be posting recipes as soon as I get them a little bit more to my liking. I love that WW encourages me to try new foods - makes life interesting.
Here's my page for the week. I keep forgetting to take the album to my meeting. Gotta remember that next time!
Monday, March 24, 2008
I'll post this week's when I've finished it. At the moment I'm a bit stumped.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Peanut Chicken with Vegetables and Noodles
1 lb. chicken breasts (or turkey)
1/2 smooth reduced-fat peanut butter
2 tbsp. soy sauce
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. minced fresh ginger
1 tsp. garam masala
8 oz. whole-wheat spaghetti
12 oz. bag fresh veggie medley (carrots, broccoli, cauliflower)
Cook chicken. (I chose to grill turkey, but you could also boil it.) Transfer chicken to cutting board, when cool enough to handle, shred into bite-sized strips.
Whisk peanut butter, soy sauce, garlic, chili, ginger, and garam masala in large bowl.
Cook pasta in boiling water. Halfway through cooking time, add vegetables. Cook until both are tender. Drain, reserving 2/3 c. cooking liquid. Stir reserved liquid into peanut sauce. Add pasta, vegetables, and chicken; toss well to coat. Serve warm or chilled.
Don't knock this until you've tried it. It is incredible!
Monday, March 17, 2008
I did go to WW tonight - I was the only one who stayed for the meeting! I wasn't overly thrilled with my loss - 1.8 lbs over two weeks - but considering I was out of town both weekends, I can't complain too much. It's taken three weeks to lose 2 lbs, but I am not giving up.
You know what makes me happiest about spring & summer? The new wave of fresh, yummy produce. I love the bright colors and delicious flavors. My fave thing to do is grill veggies. All it takes is a foil pouch, a little black pepper, and a splash of EVOO - wrap it up, toss it on the grill, and you've got veggies so good they might as well be chocolate! I could live off of grilled summer veggies - zucchini, carrots, corn on the cob, tomatoes, onions, bell peppers, summer squash - mmm, mmm good!!!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Still, I am going to keep trying. I have to find a way to make Core cheaper. Maybe more vegetarian dishes? It doesn't bother me to cut way back on meat. I have a ton of couscous in the pantry, so I should probably focus on ways to spruce it up. This is not going to be easy.
If you watch my weigh-in progress to the side, you'll notice that the numbers have jumped. That's partly because I gained weight over Christmas, and partly because my home scale weighs 3-4 pounds heavier than the "official" one at meeting. Besides that, my scale is rather inaccurate. Since I can't afford a new one, it will have to do for now. I'm going to keep a Monday morning WI for the time being. Seems easiest to me.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
You heard me right. I am 30 years old and I have never been to Disney World. Isn't that sad?
Anyway, Days 1 and 2 have passed nicely. I haven't overdone it, I've stuck to the Core plan, and I've been too cold to eat too much, anyway. :)
Everytime I think about eating something I shouldn't, I think about Disney World. So far the strategy is working. Let's hope I can keep up the pace for three months.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
It turns out that broken-down cars are not conducive to Weight Watcher attendance. And since we can neither afford to fix the Lumina nor buy a replacement, it means I'm going to have to go solo again with WW.
This is disappointing, but not disastrous.
I've decided to switch back to Core. Since my frequent fast food runs have been eliminated by the car shortage, it means I have to eat a lot of good food here at home. Core has worked so well for me before, so here I go again.
So far, so good. I've decided to switch my start day to Wednesday. Since Core doesn't involve journaling, I really don't need my WW online membership (which I also cancelled because of lack of funds), and my wild run to the grocery store yesterday has taken care of meals for at least the next week - maybe two if I stretch it.
It's been so cold today that I haven't really been hungry. I've had oatmeal and a big bowl of chili, plus one dark chocolate Ferrero Rocher (for one of my 35 WPAs). No water. I can't stand the thought of ice water when it's not even 50 degrees in the office.
I'll keep you posted on my progress - hopefully a little more frequently than I had been doing.
Wish me luck!