Deadline

I have a deadline to meet, and I'm way behind schedule.

I wanted to be under 200 by the time I graduate in December. At 260ish right now, I ain't gonna make it. But I can still try, right?

We are B-R-O-K-E, BROKE, broke. As in no moolah to spare. This means that buying a ton of fruit and vegetables will not be likely. I will get what I can, but mostly I'm just going to have to exercise and eat a lot less. I can do that. I can do that.

In fact, I started toning this morning. I've got enough videos to have learned every move in the book that could possibly be done with dumbbells, and with a set of weights I bought from the Firm a few years ago, I can adjust quickly and easily to fit the move. I did upper body first, and this afternoon I'll do lower body. Tonight I'll do light cardio, and tomorrow I'll do a heavier cardio round. Then I'll just alternate days.

I can do this. I can do this.

Control

I'm losing it.

Not the weight - oh, how I wish that were the case! - no, I am losing my tenuous grip on control. If the fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, then I am most definitely lacking the last one. It doesn't just affect my weight loss attempts, either. I constantly battle myself, never doing what I want to do and never stopping what I don't want to do. (I think there's a Bible verse about that, too...)

I don't want to lose control now. Too much is at stake. I also know that I will never, ever, ever on my own manage to learn self-control - or self-discipline, or whatever you want to call it.

So my prayer is simply that I can keep myself in check. That is all.

School Is Easier

I've been working at home for a few years now. My first time on WW, I was working for the same company, but I still went into the office every day. I would pack food for the whole day - usually leftovers or a Smart Ones frozen dinner, applesauce, a granola bar, a piece of string cheese, and some fruit - plus several water bottles and Kool-Aid packets. It worked well for me - I allowed myself just enough to eat that I didn't get too hungry, and packing my lunch kept portion sizes under control.

Shortly after I lost 80 pounds, I made the transition to working from home. At that point, the weight started coming back on rather quickly. Since I didn't need to pack a lunch, I had a tendency to not plan my meals - and usually I wound up grazing on whatever was in the house. My husband didn't see a need to follow my dietary regime, so there was usually ample junk food available. It didn't take long for me to gain it all back, and then some.

Fast forward a few years (and more than a few half-hearted attempts at WW). I'm still working from home, but that will be changing soon. Two to three nights a week I am in nursing school, so I'm back to packing lunches. If all goes well, I'll be taking a nurse tech job in a hospital soon and phase out my current work-at-home position. I stay tired and crazy all the time, and I grab fast far more often than I should.

But school nights - school nights are much, much better. Not only do I pack healthy food, but I also do more exercising. The Allied Health department (nursing, dental hygiene, PTAs, etc) just got this fancy brand-new building, and it has long hallways and big flights of stairs - long enough that I can just barely get in two laps on a ten-minute break. I will walk 2-4 laps before class, and then squeeze in as many as I can on the 4-5 breaks we get each evening.

I think I will miss school, although I suspect that counting points will be even more interesting when I get that nursing license. For now, though, I am thankful that there are at least two nights a week that I can keep under control.

And This Week....

I am down another 2.2 pounds, for a grand total of an "official" 31.2 pounds lost, and an unofficial 36.2.

Woot!

Ten Percent

I met my first significant goal - 10% of total body weight lost.

Still, I can tell I'm losing steam. I have to get re-motivated before I gain it all back.

Brief update, in case you were wondering about me.

Just in case....

I had a bad week - then realized the reason was the impending arrival of Aunt Flo (I really detest that woman!). The next week I lost what I'd gained the previous week. This week, however, should result in a pretty good WI, if I don't completely blow it on chocolate after the test I have to take tonight.

At any rate, I've passed the 35-lb mark. That's 35 lost from my highest weight about a year ago. Granted, I haven't actively been trying to lose weight for a year, but I'm still counting that high point.

My goal is to be overweight when I walk across the stage at my pinning ceremony in December. According to my calculations, that will require a loss of 1.58139535 pounds per week. Can I do that? I think so, especially if I can finally start working in some exercise time. Should I succeed, it will also mean I passed the 100-lbs lost mark - something I failed to do the first time I successfully lost weight.

Wish me luck and a whole lotta self control!

They Noticed!

I am so excited to report that people are starting to notice my weight loss! After a month-long hiatus from school, two of my instructors and some of my friends commented that they could tell I was losing weight.

Talk about motivation to keep going! It was wonderful to buy new jeans, even though it's the only pair I will have that fits for a while. Once I get out of those, then I have a whole supply of clothes from when I lost weight before. I dug them out of the closet a couple of weeks ago, washed it all, and hung it up. I cannot wait to have some new stuff to wear again!!!

25

I've lost 25 pounds - 30 if you count from my highest weight.

Woot, woot!

Scrapbooking

A zillion years ago when I lost weight the first time, I kept a scrapbook. I decided to do it again this go-round, as it was such a wonderful motivator and reminder of how far I'd come. This time I set up a template that I'll use each week (I don't exactly have a lot of time to be making brand-new pages over and over), and eventually I will have it printed by Shutterfly in an 8x8 book.

Here's the interesting thing: I needed a before picture, and the most recent one I could find of myself was taken over nine months ago! Before that I could only find headshots of myself, not full-body shots. I hate having my picture taken, but it dawned on me that I'd effectively erased myself from my family's pictures simply because I couldn't stand seeing myself so . . . fat.

So, I will resolve to move in front of the camera every now and then, and not just for "after" pictures. Which brings me to another point - there's no "after" shot in the page I'm going to show you. My tripod is busted so I will have to wait for Jeff to take the picture, but I wanted to show off a little now. I'm really happy with the design, and just hoping that I can keep up with it with my busy schedule.

One more thing - it does start with week 14. That's how long I've been doing WW this time. I only just now started the book, though.

 

**ETA: I was shocked when I compared the two pics. Even though the first one is old, it was at my highest weight. I have accomplished far more than I realized!!

WW & cooking

I am now down 24 pounds. :)

And sometimes, no matter how great a recipe sounds, it just isn't edible. Case in point: Buffalo Chicken Meatloaf. It was awful. Might not ever cook with ground chicken again - which is saying a lot, because I went to a lot of trouble to find it in the first place!

But I do have a delicious-smelling Moroccan Chicken in my new crockpot. Hopefully it will be a little less disastrous.

And with that - good night!

20... and then some.

I have officially (finally!) passed the 20-lb mark. It's taken a while; Christmas really threw me off. But I am really back on track and raring to go. I've dropped one full size in jeans, and I am starting to see a difference when I look in the mirror.

I really would like to be overweight by December. Sounds weird, huh? Right now I'm classified as "morbidly obese" (shudder). I got really close to it once before, and I really really really want to be there again. It won't put me at my weight goal of 150-ish, but I will be much closer than I am right now.

I'm trying all kinds of new recipes, and trying to figure out how to work exercise into my insanely busy schedule. School starts again next week, and I've got to be ready to hit the ground running!