Picture this in your mind: I'm standing in front of a large concrete wall. Very deliberately, I am slamming my head into that wall. Over and over and over and over.....
I wish I knew what my problem is. I wish I knew how to stop the binging. I wish I had been endowed with great strength and willpower.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
Like my daddy says, I can wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which fills up faster.
Need I say that I blew it? I don't mean a little slip, I mean fell-off-the-wagon-and-drug-through-the-mud blowing it. I couldn't stop myself. It was like watching myself from outside my body. I ate and ate and ate, and then ate some more. I went to bed feeling like an out-of-control fool.
So far I'm doing better today. For breakfast I had a teeny bit of leftover turkey sausage, plain hashbrowns & onions, ff cheese, and a scrambled egg. Makes a very filling meal, especially when you add the yellow watermelon and Starbucks coffee.
I haven't decided about lunch yet. I think I'll make chicken salad for supper. I have a recipe that's simply divine. I went to the "other" grocery store today, because their produce section is infinitely better than Wal-Mart's. Their selection is not as good, but the quality is so much better that it's well worth paying a little extra. Hmm... maybe I should make hummus for lunch. I could dip my carrots, celery and peppers into it....
There's a turkey thawing in the fridge, but it's taking its good old easy time. It may be 2-3 more days before I can cook it. I have delightful plans for said turkey, all the way down to using the bones to make turkey broth.
Tonight's selected exercise is Hard Core Fusion - a cardio + sculpt DVD. It's hard - I haven't even been able to get through the Express version without pausing to come up for air. But since I feel the need to punish myself for yesterday, I am going to do the whole thing tonight. I also have a lot of housework to do this evening, which should earn me a few APs as well.
I can do this. I have to do this, or I'm going to wind up killing myself.