Weigh-In 7.20.09

This morning wasn't quite so spectacular as last week, but I had expected that. However, the scale did show a loss, and even if it was only 0.6 pounds, I am happy. My blood sugar has been bottoming out, which means I have to eat something, which means I typically overdo it. Not really sure what is up with that, either.

Money has gotten tight, and the cupboards have naturally gone bare as a result - but as usual, God provided. I now have a little extra, and I am planning a much-needed trip to the grocery store. I still can't buy much, but at least I can look forward to more than rice, beans, and oatmeal for the next several days.

I know I've said this before, but I keep hearing so much talk about positive thinking, and "YOU can do it!" and "Dig deep within yourself to find your motivation!" and blah blah blah.

If anybody thinks they can really lose weight and keep it off permanently, while leaving God out of the equation - they've got another think coming. For that matter, I really don't believe it can be done without an entire network of supportive friends and family. It's sad to me that society keeps telling us we can do things on our own, without any help. We miss out on so much - the companionship and help of our friends and our Lord.

Okay. I'll descend now from my soapbox before I bore you to tears.

Victory Dance

Okay, okay... so I have no rhythm and do not dance. I'm excited anyway - this morning the scale informed me that I was down 4.4 pounds!

Woot!

Happy Birthday to Me!

I had a great birthday and ate too much - gained 0.4 pounds. However, that is pretty much negligible in my book, and could easily be chalked up to a little water retention. I am not complaining.

Today I join Curves, and I am very much looking forward to hopping onto the circuit and the old familiar machines. It is a workout I know and love, and even as I write this, I am somewhat amused at the thought of me actually excited at the prospect of a workout! When I return, I will post my starting measurements.

Can't wait to get started - I am feeling motivated and raring to go!

Week 2

The scale moved in the right direction - finally! I did have to buy a new scale, but I still think I managed to lose somewhere between 2-3 pounds.

Can't tell you how much I needed that little boost to keep going.

I Is What I Is

(x-post from the WW website)

I try to be a realist. Jeff tells me I'm pessimistic; I just say I am prepared for the worst. As a wannabe photographer, I try to look at the world in all its colors, to see the subtle nuances of all that is. As a wannabe writer, I relish detail. A simple "yes" or "no" is never good enough for me.

In spite of the attention to detail, in spite of looking so closely to see things as they really are, in spite of my search for what truly is - in spite of all that, I rarely turn that lens or pen on to myself. I don't want to know the truth about me, about what I am. It means having to face imperfection, which I disdain vigorously.

Why else do you think I am morbidly obese? I ignored the problem, chose not to see it, until the damage had been done.

So for today, I want to think about what I am - and what I am not. It's not a self-deprecating session; it's an honest look at myself, to see the bad right along with the good.

I am fat.
I am often lazy.
I am not always honest with myself.
I can see the flaws in others, but not in me.
I am jealous of those who I find prettier than me.
I wish I was popular and had a million friends, but I don't.
I self-medicate with food.

- BUT -

I am compassionate.
I am a good mother.
I am intelligent.
I am creative.
I am a hard worker when the task interests me.
I am patient.
I am forgiving.
I am generous.
I am filled to overflowing with big dreams.

All of the latter eclipse the former. Yes, I am fat. Yes, it's my own fault - and yes, I can do something about it, so long as I do not try to forget who I really am - the good and the bad.